The Russians Are Coming!
Something disconcerting has begun to happen to my email inbox. I have been getting spammed. Now there’s nothing unusual about getting a bunch of spam but this latest bunch is putting me well… out of sorts.
Truth is that I have always… well at least as long as I can remember, been getting spam.
But lately it’s been Russian spam. Russian spam makes me nervous. I don’t know why the Russians have decided to target me and that’s not really the worrying part. What worries me is that I don’t know what the purpose of the spam is because it is written in Russian. I can’t read Russian.
Before all this my biggest problems in life were being spelled out to me in clear understandable English. I should first travel to Nigeria to pick up the (at last count) 1000 or so billion dollars that I have amassed there through various Government agencies, insurance companies and financial institutions or should I wait until I have my debilitatingly small penis enlarged?
Then of course there is the matter of my various erectile dysfunctions to attend to not to mention my apparently receding hair line and my lack of six pack abs. All of which I am regualrly informed will result in the woman of my dreams walking out on me.
Understandably all of that has resulted in the need for me to permanently sedate myself with generic psychiatric drugs.
You see, that spam only gives me a problem in schedules and logistics. Do I want to have a permanently erect, although minuscule penis before I go pick up the billions in Nigeria or, if I had the billions would I care about it? If I acted on the mood altering drugs would I care about anything?… probably not.
Would it be better for me to be well endowed (and of course permanently erect) first or should I get rich first? Either way would that then remove the need for the drugs? Where does the receding hairline fit in to all of this? How do I save my marriage, which one holds the key?
Anyway you can see what I mean.
I had come to a certain point of acceptance with all of this and had achieved a degree of calmness about receiving daily messages that I was a neurotic verging on psychotic, balding pauper with a tiny flaccid penis.
Then came the Russians.
They are obviously trying to tell me something and I just know that it is something bad… I just know it. But I don’t know what it is and now I find myself lying awake at night worrying about what more could possible be wrong with me and my life.
More importantly, what’s the answer and where do I get the cure?
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[...] 5, 2009 · Leave a Comment New Blog post on CaptiveBrains. The Russians are coming! I may have a new problem but I can’t read [...]
Excellent post. Good to know someone is vigilant. (And still posting…)
Very funny. I don’t get those ones. my ones are real. I am winning the lottery for millions of dollars every week!