Giving Up Smoking: Part V Happy Ever Afterness
I wonder if it’s occurred to anyone that after the US stopped importing cigars from Cuba the average national IQ began to decline.
Looking at what the various governments have been up to since they told Fidel to go take a hike it seems like a possible conclusion. Perhaps they still have to discover what I discovered: cigars make the little grey cells get down and boogie.
As soon as my eyes lighted on the box of Cohibas I knew life was going to be good once more. After all, I hadn’t
stopped smoking for health, social, or religious reasons.
I liked smoking but I just didn’t want to spend the rest of my life patting my pockets, collecting lighters, lurking pathetically in airports or outside shops, having cigarettes such an integral part of my existence that I felt like a slave to the habit.
Those were all the benefits I now enjoyed: a feeling of independence, a certain insouciant air, empty pockets, whiter teeth, and the mental agility of a cactus.
The jury was still out on whether that last one was a benefit and would have stayed out if I hadn’t stuck a Cohiba in my mouth and applied a flame.
It was incredible. It was like a switch had been thrown. I could suddenly think. Before the nicotine could have conceivably bonded with any cells or tissues, thoughts began racing across my tundra like gazelles on triple shot lattes.
Really good thoughts too. I am pretty sure that in the first wild, thundering stampede was the cure for cancer, the complete plot for a sure-fire New York Times bestseller, and the winning lotto numbers for the next five years.
Alas, they were all wasted on the listeners – myself and the general manager – which was a great pity because my first words were “We should buy lotto tickets!” – a suggestion that he did not immediately reject.
Ah, looking back at that moment now I feel that I am viewing a major milestone, certainly in my own history, but perhaps also in the history of this civilization.
After all, why not? And those thoughts they just keep on comin’! Even without Cohibas, in fact, these days when I want a good idea I take a stroll on the roof of my apartment and tap into the great Cosmic Pond of Inspiration.
Yes, I have an occasional cigar, once in a while, just to celebrate the rebirth of my consciousness and enjoy the best of both worlds.
THE END
